we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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