I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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