Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize