like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
