So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
