everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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