Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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