the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
