so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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