A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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