Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
