right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
