So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
