Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
