I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
