Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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