So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
