Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
