Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
