Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
