I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Randomize
