He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
