they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
