ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
