You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
