Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
