Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
