So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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