So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She needs sedatives and a leash
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
