And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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