thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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