my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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