I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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