I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
