I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
barbara walters just said penis...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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