He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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