FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
