dude i'm inner monologue high
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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