I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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