Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i think i just lost a toe
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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