Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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