Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
17 year olds will be the death of me.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
