She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
