Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
