this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
