i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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