I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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