she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
