in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
