I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
