Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
