i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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