Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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