WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
