My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
