bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
