my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
