im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
