My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
