i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
