somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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