dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
