Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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