I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
