I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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