So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Randomize
