I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
